February 2, 2008

Wearing thin the fabric of life

Posted in blogging tagged , , , , , , at 6:34 pm by czygyny

battle-of-the-cave02.jpg 

Stress. It ablates. It tears. It wounds. It is the pavement wearing a hole in the knee of your jeans when you fall. It’s the sunburn peeling off the layers of your tender skin.

My stress level has been so much worse lately, since this big change at work, different hours, different expectations, inexperienced direction. It has come to a direct clash with my family and home life at the time I can least afford it.

Something had to give, I guess. This week my chest pains came back with a vengance. Its been almost ten years since I had them. The last time I was dealing with a somewhat deranged husband, now it is an insane work atmosphere.

The last time, I had a heart scan. I can’t remember what the diagnosis was, although I tried to memorize it, it sounded so mysterious. My doctor told me in layman’s terms that my left ventricle was beating like a bat out of hell.

Those symptoms subsided, and all was forgotten. Until this week. Now, perhaps, I am faced with heart troubles on top of everything else. Of course I elected the cheapest health insurance policy this year. Heck I hadn’t even seen a doctor in a couple of years. I subscribe in the ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ attitude and a strong distrust of the modern medical field.  I usually have a pretty good idea what my problem is before I even go to see a doctor, and some don’t take too kindly to that. The one I have now is that way. Cold, stuffy, aloof.

The illustration above is from a story I have been writing for many years. I drew it during that time that my crazy (ex) husband was spinning out of control and causing me so much grief. Naia, the heroine of the story is being attacked by a venomous and deadly creature, and one of her companions, Antholann, is trying to save her life. It seemed appropriate for this post tonight.

Still fighting overwhelming fears and obstacles that prayer doesn’t even seem to conquer, manifesting itself into a physical demon.

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1 Comment »

  1. leafless said,

    Work is important and health is essential. I know you have a lot of stress at work, but you should not neglect your health. I’ll keep a prayer for you.


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